Women Interrupted While Reading In Western Art History

(All credit for the idea goes to The Toast. All apologies for it go to Mallory Ortberg.)

ace7dd6ddc967d3f7da4d1a41015430fno, please continue.
i came out here, alone, for the company, obviously.
it’s going to look like i’m mad at you, but really, i’m very interested in your story.
oh please. please keep talking.

h2_62.72we’ve gone over this before, Alice.
mommy needs her alone time. and how can you tell mommy needs her alone time?
that’s right, whenever she has a bottle or a book in her hand.
look there’s a field. go play.

figurative_oil_painting__coffee_and_matisse__woman_bbe47bdd9e2d0011afd80be22fc3f47ait’s fine. i mean, i guess it’s just a magazine.
uh huh… well sure… yup.
okay so let me just…
wow… how interesting.
oh look, my coffee is getting cold. i really can’t talk and drink at the same time.

poetrywhy did you give him our book? is he going to read out loud?
Oh god. can you just– can you scoot over a little more?
bitch move the flowers.
he keeps leaning in. it’s freaking me out.
you did this to us.

tumblr_m5w5auPZFy1r1w416o5_400i’m just gonna…
not.

42c7ea104868c50d12c7781595c117dbreally, I can do two things at once.
see, I’m smoking this cigarette, and ignoring you. that’s two things.
do you see the huge pile to be read?
it’s huge.

can you try talking to me from further away?
further.
further.
try the kitchen.

917a2c4e94c19ff665cafbf2ecdc9b07and then wha–
dammit. i lost my place.
no, just keep talking like it’s not important.
i think i was here.

tumblr_mvglzhGabO1rrnekqo1_1280yeah, i see it.
i just got really excited. it’s fine.
i’ll get to it after this chapter.
just a few more pages.

062ecedd5c03dd7abb8d8fe2a50b8bf6can you not?
you can’t even read yet.
you’re a baby.

-Admin R really, really likes The Toast. 

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3 thoughts on “Women Interrupted While Reading In Western Art History

  1. Every single one of those comments has happened in history…even if just inside someone’s head. I think my favorite is the man reading to the two hostage women. “You did this to us.”

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